Reader Question: Who Wears Short Shorts?

{Left to right: Boyz (shorts) II Men}

Steve asks:

“I’m having severe difficulty finding shorts for the summer.  I’m desperately in need of new pairs, but here’s my issue: I’m tall. The main noteworthy retailers sell shorts for average height people.  But men’s shorts are sold by waist size, not length, and so I can’t size appropriately like I can for, as my grandmother would call them, dungarees and pantaloons.  Where can I go to get a nice pair of shorts with a 33 waist that actually reach my knees?  Help, Style Girlfriend!  Help!!!!” 

Get ready, because while I’m about to answer your question, you’re not going to want to hear what I have to say. I don’t think your shorts should reach your knees.

It’s my opinion that far too many guys are thigh-shy. When they definitely don’t need to be. I say, be proud of what you’ve got going on above your patellas! Flaunt those femurs! Show off those handsome hamstrings! Put a lock down on any more leg alliteration by doing what I say, stat!

Because really? That nice definition in guys’ quads – right above the knee – is pretty sexy. So long as you’re not flabby-thighed (which, is that even a thing?), why not give us ladies a little something to look at? Thicker legs will show more curve. And if you’re on the skinny side, a shorter short that’s sits a little tighter on your leg helps keep that “toothpick” look at bay.

I would even argue that quite a few ladies are “leg women.” Like, if you are a boob guy, or a butt guy, or a whatever guy (and don’t say, “I’m a personality guy, Megan” because I will throw up on my keyboard at your insincerity then come to your house and beat you up). Females are just as inclined towards coveting your bodies. And since I’ve already come out against tank tops on guys, you’re going to have to take your skin-flashing where I’ll allow it.

When I see guys in shorts like the above, I wonder which frat they’re pledging. I question if their mother is still doing their laundry. Shorts like these are the warm weather equivalent of sporting a suit two sizes too big – man child status at its worst.

All that said, several brands offer shorts by length, so you do actually have some options. J.Crew’s “Stanton” and “Club” styles come in both 9″ and 11″. Gap (maker of all the shorts seen here) offers shorts in lengths ranging from 8″ to 12.”  So does Old Navy. And Brooks Brothers. I’m not sure how clearly they’re labeled in the store, so you might have better luck looking online.

But heed my word! Short(er) shorts are not to be feared, but embraced!

*Oh, and PS? Being tall is never an issue for us ladies. It’s like complaining you’re too handsome – it’s simply not possible. Trust, from a chick whose college boyfriend was a cool 7′.