(Image/Rick Wood/Milwaukee Journal Sentinel/MCT)
Along with the rest of the nation, I’ll be watching this Sunday as the Green Bay Packers face off against the Pittsburgh Steelers in the Super Bowl. As a Wisconsin native, I consider myself a Packers fan by default. To the dismay of my football-loving family, however, I enjoy the sport from a pleasantly detached distance, watching much as I would a bad romantic comedy. I’m there for entertainment, not the intricacies of the game.
It seems appropriate, then, to predict this weekend’s winning team the only way a girl who knows nothing about the rules of the game could. By ignoring both sides’ athletic prowess completely.
Below, my totally unscientific, completely biased, stack-up of the two teams:
Of utmost importance. And also, the easiest pick of the list. Aaron Rodgers versus Ben Rothlisberger? Please. This isn’t even a fair fight. The gentlemanly (and, um, easy on the eyes) Rodgers has been spotted squiring a bevy of lovely ladies around town, including ESPN’s Erin Andrews, Lady Antebellum singer Hillary Scott and Gossip Girl actress Jessica Sczhor. Big Ben has been investigated on sexual assault charges. Twice.
This is a column about style, of course, so fashion gets heavily factored into this formula. Green and gold may sound like a combination best kept in the closet until St. Patrick’s Day, but the Packers makes mixing colors look good. Moreover, incorporating multiple bold colors into one outfit (known as “color blocking”) is totally in right now. Making the Pack’s uniforms not only cheery, but stylish too. As for the Steelers, I mean, black and yellow, really? Are we playing football, or superheroes? C’mon Batman, let’s get real.
The Steelers have Flozell Adams, a tackle universally acknowledged to be a complete dirtbag, whose best move consists of tripping people as they run by him. And then there’s Chris Kemoeatu, who got fined $12,500 for diving into piles and headbutting people after plays were over. Classy. The team’s line also boasts James Harrison, who led the league in fines and illegal hits on quarterbacks this year. His mother must be so proud.
Packer players, on the other hand, enjoy a great reputation in the league, with good reason. After the departure of a quarterback who shall remain nameless, the team pulled together and presented a united front, staying positive and smack talk-free. I don’t know about you, but if I played in the NFL (yes, just picture that for a moment), there’s no other team I’d want to get dirty on the gridiron with.
Another style question – cheeseheads vs. Terrible Towels? On this one, I’ve gotta turn my back on my own team and give it up to Pittsburgh. I’m sorry, but those hats just make us look stupid.
The Steelers organization is regarded by many as arguably the best operating in football today. There’s even a league rule named after owner (and US ambassador to Ireland) Dan Rooney, mandating a more diverse hiring practice, which Rooney fought for. Coach Mike Tomlin is well-loved by the Pittsburgh community. And of course, the team’s track record can’t be ignored. The Steelers have won six Super Bowls, most recently in 2009, more than any other team in the league.
As for the Pack, they’ve got the distinction of having the Super Bowl trophy named after the organization’s legendary coach – and first (and second!) – Super Bowl winner Vince Lombardi. Also of note, the organization’s status as the only non-profit, community-owned franchise in all of professional American sports leagues. No other team can claim over 100,000 owners invested in its season.
As we can clearly see, this game will be no contest. I predict a win for the Pack on Sunday, with a final tally of 47-17. Call your bookies. Thank me later.
Editor’s Note: Originally, I wrote this column with the intention of publishing it next week, imagining it would be lauding the Packers’ victory. But then I got superstitious about my metaphorical Gatorade dump and decided to backtrack. Has my doubt jinxed the team I root for? Maybe. But hey, now if they do lose, at least you’ll have someone to blame (or for you Steelers fans, thank) for the outcome other than the referees.