What’s In a Name: Fashion-y Words I Could Live Without Hearing Guys Say

I’m glad that fashion has become a realm where more guys feel comfortable. Really, I am. After all, the more you’re discussing the merits of straight leg jeans and desert boots, the better-dressed eye candy I get to look at when you’re out on the street. I’ve even noticed in recent years a significant drop in the number of guys calling my skirts “dresses” (for the record, a skirt stops at the waist, and is accompanied by a top of some kind. A dress goes all the way up to your shoulders), so you must be retaining some style knowledge.

That said, there are a few terms I wouldn’t mind guys dropping from their fashion vocabulary. Below, a sampling:

“Hoisery”

Please don’t refer to your socks as “hosiery.” They’re socks. Even if they’re silk. They’re still just socks.

“Panties”

Oh god, if I never again hear a guy call ladies’ underwear “panties” it will be too soon. Unless the woman in your life uses the term herself, please steer clear. Why? Because it sounds icky. A guy saying this word sounds like he’s infantilizing a woman while also sexualizing her, which is a weird combination no matter which way you twist it around.

I don’t even like that I had to type it out here. I’m considering deleting this whole section because I don’t really want my name tethered to the word out there on the interwebs. But for the good of women everywhere who get the willies every time they hear a guy talk about their underwear this way, I’m going to leave it. Don’t make me regret it.

“Pleats”

Unless you’re saying, “Oh god no, Mr. Ignorant Salesperson. No pleats! I want all my pants to be flat front,” then there’s no reason this word should be in your fashion vocabulary. Lose it now and don’t look back.

“Sunnies”

They’re sunglasses.

“Bananas”

…Or any other fashion show catch phrase of the moment. Look, I get it. Reality TV is addictive, but I don’t want to hear a guy describing a new pair of chinos with slang started by Rachel Zoe.

“Zhushed”

Remember last week when I showed you how to get your shirt sleeves rolled up just so? That’s what I call the process of getting them to look like that – zhushing. But you don’t have to. If anyone asks how you got your cuffs to look like that (and I hope they do!), just told them you folded them. Or even better, direct them to my tutorial.

“Man-Anything”

Mandals. Murse. Mewelry. Menough already. I get it. You want to simultaneously embrace traditionally feminine clothing and accessories while also demonstrating that you are co-opting it for your own masculine needs, but it’s a little ridiculous. If you want to carry a messenger bag, or wear a bracelet or — well, not the sandals – just go for it.

Guys, use any of these? Ladies, got more to add to the list? Leave ‘em in the comments!