Now that is officially summer (finally!), it’s totally normal for your thermometer (do people still use those?) to hit anywhere from 85-120 degrees on a daily basis, with humidity ranging from nonexistent to torrential downpour.
What I’m sayin’ is you’re probably sweating, and not over anything in particular.
I have a lot men close to my heart who tend to sweat like a bad liar taking a polygraph test, and they know who they are. Deodorant and antiperspirant help, but don’t always completely eliminate every trace of having sweat glands. So in lieu of those, I found some shirts that can help hide or defer the dreaded pit stains.
Use these styles to defend against floods in your arm moats (when does GoT come back?!).
Below, how to hide pit stains:
1. PATTERNED SHIRT
A pattern can hide a world of stains, especially if it’s multicolored. Nothing will hide stains better than tie-dye, because it is in-and-of itself a giant stain, but if you want something less …organic, go for a small, graphic pattern or something interesting like those shown above.
2. THINNER, MORE BREATHABLE FABRIC
Natural fabrics like cotton and (suprisingly) wool are less likely to make you sweat than synthetics like nylon, rayon, and anything poly-blend. The only exception is the new swanky moisture-wicking fabrics that are made with polyester. It has something to do with the way it is woven. For a more detailed explanation with numbers, this Discovery Health article can help you out.
3. MAN TANK*
*The views expressed herein reflect the opinions of Gabi alone. Any endorsement of tank tops on guys is met with groans of “No! Why-y-y? from your Style Girlfriend (though she does get it. She’d murder anyone who tried to take away her tanks in the heatwaves of summer.) But still. No.
The point of these shirts is that there are no sleeves, and I can’t help but assume that the open flow of air to pits wasn’t just an added bonus. Obviously the lower the sleeve hole goes the less likely you are to get pit stains, but DON’T wear your frat shirt that you practically sliced in half. That reminds me of my apron from my days as a Daisy in Girl Scouts, which is for the littlest of little girls.
So unlike the other steps this isn’t about what your wearing on the outside, but what’s underneath the outside layer. This bottom layer sucks it all up so it doesn’t show on the outer layer. Wifebeaters are made for this, but a thin, v-neck tee can work well too as long as it doesn’t peek out the bottom.
5. ANYTHING BUT HEATHER GRAY
I can’t explain the science why, but for some reason heather gray shows more sweat than literally every other color ever. So if you’re a sweaty guy, get rid of all the heather gray shirts in your wardrobe; you’re setting a trap for yourself by wearing it. Plus, this gives you an excuse to buy a bunch of new shirts in better colors.
So now that I’ve given you a few tips and tricks to hide those inevitable pit stains, you’re going to throw your hands up in the air and wave them around like you just don’t care, right? Even though you do care, or else you would be flaunting your pit stains, which you’re not.