Repeat after me, guys: “Square toe? Hell no!”
In my free time, I like to read up as much as I can on all things men’s style. You can never know too much about the thing you talk about all the time, I always say (I never say that). As such, my local library keeps me swimming in men’s style and fashion guides, how-to’s and general musings, from sources like Esquire, GQ, Alan Flusser and more.
Until this week, when my reading list abruptly stopped at the offering from AskMen.com, The Style Bible. Its advice is boring at best, misleading at worst. In the chapter on shoes, it suggested tall men wear square-toe shoes to…I don’t even know, that’s when I flung the book into a fireplace and threw myself on the chaise lounge I was reclining on and wept inconsolably for hours. (ed. note – none of those things happened…except for the terrible footwear recco)
The only mulligan I’ll give on this terrible advice is that the book came out a few years ago, so maybe something about…the decade changing? I don’t know. I don’t remember a lot about the Oughts. I mean, I had bangs for awhile, so I guess we all make mistakes sometimes?
But the point is – square toe shoes are never okay. Never. Do you hear me? NEVER. They do not follow the line of your body. They don’t flatter your feet. They cancel out whatever else you may be wearing well. And girls notice them the way they notice other girls still wearing Juicy Couture track suits. With a face that suggests they just smelled spoiled milk.
You could be wearing a ten-year old suit, lost (or gained) twenty pounds, gotten a haircut – and the women you encounter in your daily life may not notice (except the last one for me – I always notice haircuts. It’s like my superpower, if superpowers were completely lame and didn’t help anyone). But the point is, girls notice shoes. Do you want girls to ‘ew’ your shoes?
Well, do you?