Rules are Not The Same Thing as Boundaries in a Relationship
Jonah Hill is famously in therapy. The actor made a documentary called Stutz all about the treatment practice, with and about his therapist (my therapist won’t even tell me her favorite restaurant, but this isn’t about me) and is known in interviews to be self-reflective and open about his work to grow as a person.
Which is why it feels like such a big deal that an ex-girlfriend recently shared text messages from Hill where he used the language of therapy in some really ugly ways.
There is a big difference in setting boundaries vs being controlling in a relationship. In this text exchange, Hill is demonstrating the latter.
@therapyjeff Jonah Hill was using therapy speak to control his girlfriend. #jonahhill #therapyspeak #therapy #mentalhealth #manipulation ♬ original sound – TherapyJeff
The actor has since rebounded with a new girlfriend, with whom he just welcomed a baby. And maybe they’ve discussed the way they both intend to show up in this relationship, and have come up with limits that work for the both of them.
Maybe she is okay not spending time with men without Hill being present. Or has agreed not to post photos to social media wearing whatever it is she might want to wear.
I don’t know. I wonder what he’s agreed to (or not to).
But Brady, Hill’s ex, was surfing with other guys when they met. And posting photos to Instagram in swimsuits. Hell, I bet those are even reasons he was attracted to her in the first place!
So for him to enter a relationship with her and then ask her to change is, well, I believe the clinical diagnosis is “fucked up,” but I’d have to ask my therapist.
On the one hand, this whole situation is sort of one of those “good problems to have.”
Because it means we’ve come far enough that a celebrity mis-using therapy-speak to try to control his girlfriend has—rightfully—sparked outrage online. And now we’re all now talking about what is and isn’t okay to expect from a partner in a relationship.
On the other, we want more guys should go to therapy. We talk about it all the time here on Style Girlfriend! So, if we’re persuasive, and convince more and more men that therapy is not only good but essential for self-improvement and personal growth, then it’s totally possible that this type of weaponized therapy-speak could become more common.
It reminds me of this Kanye West tweet that seriously haunts my dreams:
That is how I feel right now encouraging men to get into therapy.
Because if men go to therapy and turn around and try to control their partners using the language of therapy? Great, that’s a water bottle I’m gonna have to be responsible for.
Worth it, but something I’ve gotta worry about.