I Don’t Care About Your Watch
(And Why That’s a Good Thing)

They say upon first meeting, a woman notices a man’s shoes and his watch. On the former, I’m in agreement. If I see a guy sporting square toes or dad sneakers, I’m outta there. On the latter, not so much. Because real talk guys? Girls don’t care about your watch. 

Nope, not even a little.

Would I prefer it not feature Mickey Mouse on the face, with his hands ticking away the minutes and hours? Sure. But beyond that, I really don’t notice your style of keeping time.

I’ve gotten in trouble on here (as much trouble as I can get on on my own site) for recommending watches that are…less than stellar, according to the watch aficionados who care about that kind of thing. They get all up in arms (wrists?) about the dial on this one, the bezel on that one.

“That is a crap watch,” they say. “I can’t believe you would even think,” they tell me, “that any man would wear that sorry excuse for a timepiece.” All of these comments, by the way, I read in a snooty British accent. I know that’s how you heard them in your head too.

But that’s fine. I don’t claim to be an expert in men’s watches. I just know what, as a woman, I like to see guys wearing. I want to see you in slim suits. I want to see you in chukka boots. I want to see you tuck your shirt into your pants every now and then. What I don’t want? I don’t want to hear about the details of a watch that costs as much (or cough*more*cough) than my rent. In the eternal words of Shania Twain, “That don’t impress-uh me much.”

Here’s the thing, guys: do you know who cares about the kind of watch you wear?

1. Other dudes who obsess about watches, and
2. Women who can mentally calculate your discretionary income before you’ve even introduced yourself.

Those women scare me. They should scare you too.

Of course, I’m not saying you should go out and buy a cheap decoy timepiece to ward off golddiggers, but an expensive watch is not going to win over “nice” girls any more than bragging about your most recent exotic vacation, your glamourous beach house, or…whatever d-bag guys brag about to girls in bars.

Now, I recognize that some of you guys appreciate a beautiful watch the same way you do an amazing car, or a really smooth scotch. But guess what else I don’t care about? Cars and scotch! If you want to geek out over your wristwear, do it at poker night with your buddies. But don’t expect me to be interested. And if you meet a woman who can name the make and model of your watch before you can ask her name, well, watch out (sorry, I had to).

If watches don’t matter one way or another to you, but you’d still like a more stylish way to keep time than whipping out your phone on the ’15s, do yourself a favor. Go out and get yourself a Timex – the J.Crew version is nice and you have lots of options for straps, or commit to a nice silver tank watch and call it a day. If you want to go a little more polished or elegant, I think a leather band offers a nice touch. Beyond that, I can’t – won’t – offer too much help. If you like it – and it ticks – wear it.

Your turn. Sound off in the comments below: Do you wear a fancy watch? If so, what kind and why? And am I missing the point on your timepiece passion?

(Illustration by Jeremy Nguyen)