A Morning Skincare Routine, Inspired by "American Psycho"
Patrick Bateman is a total product whore
Whether you’ve got your morning routine down pat, or you’re skimping on it completely, we think Patrick Bateman, the well-dressed, egocentric, materialistic serial killer from American Psycho is worth studying.
Patrick Bateman got a lot of things wrong (y’know, like the serial killing), but one thing he got very right was understanding the importance of taking care of his skin. The morning routine scene is how we meet Mr. Bateman in American Psycho, first in the 1991 book, and later in the movie, released in ‘00. That guy’s got one fully stocked medicine cabinet.
While Bateman (played by Christian Bale) focuses more on using as many products as possible – rah rah, ‘80s materialism! – rather than necessarily using them correctly, we’re still on board with a well-maintained morning skincare routine.
What We Like
Bateman memorably performs his morning stretch routine wearing monogrammed Ralph Lauren boxers, a Fair Isle sweater, and a gel eye mask. Then he showers, and then he puts on his cologne (Paul Sebasitan in the book, YSL Pour Homme in the movie). All while listening to the latest Talking Heads album, natch.
Because we’re a little psycho ourselves, we compiled a list of everything the angry banker used in the book and film. Anything missing doesn’t exist anymore, like the line of shaving products he used by YSL (RIP).
quality products
Bateman appreciates quality, and even though he doesn’t use them all correctly, and he uses way too many at once, everything he uses is high quality. What you put on your skin is as important as what you put in your body.
Skip the booze
He shies away from putting alcohol on his face because it will age you. THIS. IS. SO. IMPORTANT. People with oily skin naturally get wrinkles way later in life. That’s why we moisturize. We want to keep the skin as hydrated as possible to keep it looking young.
Moisturize after your shower
Bateman knows moisturizer should be used on moist skin. He mentions in the book that he splashes water on his face and then applies moisturizer to damp skin to lock in the moisture. This is correct. Adds to his creepiness factor, sure, but correct.
Facials are for men, too
He’s man enough to get regular facials. They say a facial every month is what it takes to have perfect skin, but if your spa is being honest with you, you really only “need” one every four months. Obviously it depends on the facial – you can get a hydrating facial as often as you want. If your facial ends with a peel, you only need that once every four months. Curious about facials, but don’t want to, like, book a facial? Go with your girl. Everyone knows about couple’s massages, but couples’ facials can totally be a thing too.
…And manis and pedis, too
Well-groomed digits need not be a “girl thing.” Really. If you have to pick just one, go with the pedicure. Trust us when we say clean feet are such a turn on, you have no idea.
Want to pull it off? Try these pieces:
TELL US:
ARE YOU A “READ THE BOOK” OR “WAIT FOR THE MOVIE” KINDA GUY?
Want even more guys grooming tips? You got it
That’s great and all, but what kind of business card should I have?
And how do I make sure I’m the one getting a slightly better haircut?
Look at that subtle off-white coloring; the tasteful thickness of it… Oh my God, it even has a watermark.
Not quite blonde, are we? More of a dirty blonde.
Some of the routine is on point, but a lot of it is a bit excessive… I need to re-watch this movie though.
Definitely agree that moisturizer should be going on moist skin.
Never tried a facial, but I did go for a pedi with my wife at one point, wasn’t sure how I would like it because my feet are super ticklish, but it was alright, and actually felt pretty good. Not something I would do often, but a couple of times a year would be alright.
I think a few times a year sounds perfect!
Any more than that is excessive (unless you have scaley dinosaur feet…). Not to mention, have to time it with low mileage running weeks, since soft feet and lots of miles = blisters…
I could go for a monthly facial, if by facial, he means barbershop wet shave (since frankly it’s actually pretty close…).
This is the first I’ve ever heard about moisturizer being applied to moist skin. I use a moisturizer with SPF 15 every morning. I never thought of applying it to wet skin. I’d be very interested in hearing about other tips like this one that women probably have more insight into than men.
I loved this idea, BTW. How about one for Sean Bateman?
Ha! That’s not a bad idea..
I can’t go through my skincare routine right now. I have to return some video tapes.
Nice article style girlfriend.
I would like to start taking care for my skin and face now that i’m still in my early 20’s. But when it comes to skincare i’m kind of a new to it. Reading a lot of information about skincare and grooming routines but they all say to use lots of products and i don’t wanna be spending a lot of money on it.
So in your opinion what are the essentials for facial care and skin care ? What should i use and in what order? like if you exfoliate the skin would you start with cleansing or exfoliating? And the last question I have is about the moist skin, so after a shower you should just lighty dap a towel to the face and than apply moisturizer ?
Kind regards
Nick
Read the book kinda guy for sure, the book goes into into greater detail about suits, jackets and shoes. Gotta love Pat Bateman (not the serial killer side though)
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