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Girl Talk: Advice on Meeting Smart, Stylish Women

{too late to jump on the Ryan Gosling “hey girl” meme bandwagon? didn’t think so}

This week, a young reader turns to Team SG for help on his pick-up game:

Hey! I’m 19 and a sophomore in college…well kind of college. I go to a military college and not too much goes on here. I can’t drink or go to bars, but I love to dress well with the expert advice of your blog! The thing that I want to know is where to go to meet smart, stylish women (well, girls) without competing with hundreds of other guys at the club or bar. I go to the city quite a bit, but I haven’t had much luck with meeting decent girls! Thanks for the help!

Below, Team SG’s advice for meeting smart stylish women:

First of all, you are clearly on the right track to meeting a great girl if at nineteen you’re already thinking about your appearance AND thinking about how best to attract your ideal romantic partner. You could be concerning yourself with much less noble pursuits like hazing freshmen or trying to take advantage of drunk girls who can’t consent, so way to go.

Personally, I loved a good house party for meeting people in college.

Heck, I still do, though house parties are less frequent in a city like NYC where homes tend to be much smaller than those in college towns in rural Pennsylvania. I agree that clubs and bars can be a hard place to successfully meet girls. It’s hard to hear one another, and the whole BOOM-KA-THUNK-A BOOM-KA-THUNK-A soundtrack pounding in the background is just not conducive to connecting over where each of you went on family vacations as kids.

I guess what I’m trying to say is it takes just going out MORE.

My entire freshman year of college I had terrible luck in love (ha! oh my god I can’t believe I just wrote that). I dated a couple of guys but they didn’t really stick. I found myself retreating more and more into my studies, going to the library on Friday and Saturday nights until they closed at midnight. My school was really tough about ID’s, so I couldn’t get into bars like I had in Madison as a junior and senior in high school (sorry Mom and Dad! No 18-year-old likes bowling as much as my friends and I claimed to enjoy the sport). And I hated hated hated the frat scene.

Did I mention I hated it?

I had no interest in standing on a sticky floor in the basement of some frat while a guy in a Hollister polo that was identical to every other guy in the room’s Hollister polo tried to tell me about their next car wash with Beta Theta who gives a Crappa.

So I studied. And studied some more.

But I realized that I wasn’t going to meet any guys if I didn’t get my butt out of the library. Sure, maybe if I’d looked around a little I may have locked eyes with some similarly geeky, straight-A determined guy and falling madly in academic-minded love. We’d have bonded in the stacks (and maybe more?! oh la la) and lived happily ever after.

But, well, I went to the libraries in sweats most of the time and my twenty-pound backpack and massive headphones didn’t really say, “Hi there, handsome…wanna chat?”

One Friday night, my friends convinced me to take an evening off from the library and go to a house party. An apartment party actually. I got all gussied up (which, as a freshman at school then meant bootcut jeans, thick-soled heels and a sparkly cotton top…ah those were the days) and headed into the night with expectations firmly managed.

I walked in and the school’s star basketball player was sitting on the couch. All seven feet, Germanic blonde hair and blue eyes of him. Our eyes locked. I beat him in flip cup. We dated for three and a half years.

But hey, that’s just getting to the girl. Not getting the girl.

I’ve been out of college for awhile now, and if a recent episode of The Mindy Project is to be believed, my age group has no idea what “kids today” think. About anything.

So I asked Gabi, younger than me so more closely remembering her college days, for tips on what to do once you MEET said-smart, stylish college girl. I’ve got you out of the library, now let her get you into…her heart. GOD what did you guys think I was going to say?

GABI’S TAKE

Here’s a few pointers for the college guy pick up approach:

Don’t be over flattering.

You can tell me that my haircut is cool, or my pants are “sweet,” but don’t tell me I’m the most beautiful thing you’ve seen all day, or I’ll get a big head and think that I’m too good to talk to you. You can even tease me a bit to show me you’re not afraid to joke around. For example, if I’m wearing bright tights you can say they’re pretty cool, but also if I plan on returning to 1965 today or tomorrow.

If you want to initiate conversation and you’re on the shy side, just comment on something or ask a question.

For example, if you see someone you’d like to talk to at a coffee shop, ask her what she ordered, and then maybe if she had it before if it’s something interesting.

And if you do succeed and get a phone number (or Instagram handle!), wait a day or two to reach out, but not much longer.

I know, I know. I’m not supposed to suggest you play games, but the unfortunate truth is that if you come off as a try-hard, she could be turned off. After the first date? Text her on the way home if you want to! But right off the bat, you’ve gotta play it a little bit cool.

> Want more dating and relationship advice? SG’s got you covered