Want to Impress A Woman? Do This.
Spoiler alert: It mostly involves being yourself
I will be the first to admit that when it comes to the inner-workings of men, I don’t know much. However, I do happen to be an excellent inside source on what women like—especially when it comes to dating and relationships. (As it turns out, 30 years of singledom comes with some perks.)
And even though I’m an only child, I’m a generous one, because I’ve decided to spill the beans on what you— wonderful, thoughtful, well-dressed man looking to excel in love, life and work that you are—can do to impress an equally formidable woman. So SG is here to share ten guaranteed tips for making a memorable first impression or reigniting a long-burning spark.
10 tips on how to impress a woman:
1. MAKE ME LAUGH… WITH YOU.
Classic advice with a twist, no? Plenty of guys can tell a funny story, but if it’s a story or a moment that makes you laugh, too? Even better. You don’t need to be the most self-deprecating guy in the world (that gets old, fast) but just be willing to be in on the joke.
Men and women feel similarly about the push and pull between confidence and modesty—especially when it comes to storytelling and humor. We all want to relate to each other and come across as impressive, so finding that balance through humor is key.
2. GO THE EXTRA MILE WITH FACIAL GROOMING, PLEASE.
Time to hit you hard and fast with some statistics: In a study conducted by Edge Shave Gel, they found that 69 percent of millennials think that whether a guy has facial hair is a major factor in forming a first impression of him. (Also science? Guys with beards and stubble are hotter.)
Meaning? If you have a beard, take good care of it!
Embrace the use of beard oil and one of those tiny combs (and have fun feeling like a giant when you use it!). Easily manage those stragglers around your neck. And if your lady expresses some interest in the development of your beard?
If your lady loves your beard—keep it, and keep it looking sharp. If she doesn’t? Take her feelings into consideration.
I once loved a man with a robust, manly beard. When he stopped trimming it toward the end of our relationship—after I had expressed how much I loved it shorter—I realized he was using it to put physical and psychological distance between us.
3. MASTER OLD-FASHIONED MANNERS.
My last boyfriend used to open the car door for me every time we’d drive anywhere. It was a small gesture but I’m telling you every time he did it—we dated for half a year—I got butterflies.
Old school manners seem to be disappearing these days, so use these little opportunities to set yourself apart. Hold the door open and walk on the street side of the sidewalk. Go down the stairs in front of her and up the stairs behind her (in case she falls). Help her with her jacket on either end of the date, and pull her chair out before she sits.
Bottom line? Physical displays of manners are so attractive, and they make a woman feel appreciated and special.
4. RECOMMEND SOMETHING I’VE NEVER TRIED, SEEN, HEARD OR VISITED.
One of the best first dates I ever had ended with me and the guy going through our Spotify playlists and calling out our favorite new songs. I gained a bunch of new favorite artists that night, and we both got a peek into the other’s private life. (Your musical taste says a lot about you, trust me!)
You can try this tactic with restaurants, but be wary of sounding a little pretentious. I read The Infatuation, I get it. Unless you want to whisk her away from the bar because she just has to try this late night soup dumpling spot—save the restaurant chatter for the next time you ask her out. (Show, don’t tell.) But travel destinations, movies and TV? That stuff is always SO fun to talk about.
5. LET YOUR VULNERABILITY SHOW A BIT.
First dates can be a little stale. Going over the same introductory stuff over and over again gets tedious, and can very quickly diminish any chance of a spark. An easy way to transition from covering the basics to getting below the surface is with one simple tool: The follow-up question. Here’s an example:
You: How many siblings do you have?
Your Date: Two—an older brother and a younger sister.
You: Oh wow, are you close with them?
On its face this looks like a way to get her to be vulnerable—and it is. But by being the first one to ask a question that involves some thought and emotional reflection, you’re inviting her to do the same, and creating an atmosphere of openness and trust. If you both allow yourselves share something real, something you can’t point to on a map or type out on a business card, you show your date that you’re an emotionally intelligent person worth getting to know further.
(It’s worth pointing out here that impressing someone in a romantic context goes both ways—you shouldn’t feel like all the pressure is on you. Women are constantly doing little things to try and impress you, too).
6. WHEN IT COMES TO TEXTING, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ASK.
Here’s the part where I unfortunately have to put one particular guy on blast. He had everything going for him, and I was totally smitten. However, anytime he texted me (which was frequently, like, multiple times a day very early in our courtship) it was just to “say” something.
He either had a story to tell about himself or just a random statement. I was all for the attention—until I realized it wasn’t actually me who was getting the attention. By sending these texts he’d pull me into a conversation that was mostly one-sided. I’d engage him by responding, asking for details and laughing along—basically fluffing his ego on demand. Yes, you’re funny. Sorry you don’t feel well. Cool story about your cousin.
Guys, all you have to do to win over a woman who is already at least a little bit into you is ask her questions. (See that little bit about vulnerability above.) It comes naturally during in-person conversation, but it’s pointless to pretend these days that texting vibes don’t play into the overall health of a relationship.
Again, this is advice that can go both ways, you should be giving as much as you’re getting when it comes to communication.
7. BRING HER FLOWERS.
Okay so I may be outing myself as a hopeless romantic, but I can’t even tell you what a lovely gesture it is, in 2016, to buy a woman flowers. In all my thirty years, a man has brought me flowers exactly twice: The first time was when I was asked to prom.
The second was when an old flame was visiting New York and picked me up at my door to go for a walk and a drink. I told him I’d meet him downstairs outside my apartment, but he insisted on coming up because he “had something” for me. It was a simple bouquet of daisies and I was floored. Needless to say it was probably the best $7 he spent all weekend. (Wink, wink.)
8. BECOME THE MASTER OF YOUR BODY HAIR.
Once upon a time I was in love with a man. I loved nearly everything about him—everything except his chest hair management. Personally, I’m an all-or-nothing gal when it comes to that. The stubble that is produced from shaving your chest is, well, let’s just say it’s the exact opposite of impressive.
Look, if you’re hairy, embrace it! If you’re hairier than most—as in aggressive back and shoulder hair—make a choice. Either commit to a regular waxing schedule or leave it be. Figure out a maintenance level that makes you feel good about yourself and seek out a woman who’s down with it.
But since we’re talking about impressing women, which usually leads back to those first impression moments, consider this: According to a survey by Edge Shave Gel, 75 percent of young Americans think a man who regularly shaves his facial hair is more likely to have better bodily grooming habits… elsewhere.
So, start with your facial hair and go from there.
9. LOOK FOR OPPORTUNITIES TO CREATE INSIDE JOKES.
With one guy, we had a whole secret emoji language, so texting took on a whole extra (and totally playful) level. With another guy, it was our shared obsession with Swedish Fish. (We’d send them to each other via snail mail across oceans when either of us was studying abroad in college.)
Inside jokes are a solid way to create intimacy before ever being remotely intimate with someone. They help establish a connection that transcends all those early dating questions that feel sort of like an interview, and, at least for me, are a sign that I could actually feel comfortable around a new guy.
10. EXPLORE THE LEARNING TRIFECTA. ™
So The Learning Trifecta ™ is something I literally just made up as I was writing this, but the more I thought about it, the more I started congratulating myself for being such a g.d. genius. TLT, as we’ll call it, is simple, and it can be employed over time and at any point in a relationship. The three points of TLT can be deployed in any order, and repeated as many times as you like until you and me, lover, are dead in the ground. They are as follows:
- Teach Me Something. (I’ve always wanted to be able to drive stick shift.)
- Let Me Teach You Something. (You, me, the ski slopes? It’ll be fun I promise.)
- Let’s Learn Something Together. (Pasta-making class, anyone?)
In my opinion, using TLT is a way not only to establish intimacy and trust early on, but also a fun way to keep things exciting and spicy long after you’ve lit the spark.
So there you have it, ten—relatively easy!—ways to impress a woman. Remember, with great power comes great responsibility: so use these tips wisely…and only for good.