What She Tells Friends About You
Get ahead of the game
Want to know what she tells her friends about you?
It’s a few days after a really great date and your mind is on a second, so you may be wondering just what she’s telling her friends about your shared experience. Did she really care about your height? Or what you do for a living? Maybe she only described that first (slightly awkward) kiss on her front steps? What women tell their friends about you has always been a guarded secret, so allow the women of SG HQ to share the secrets we let slip, post-date.
Below, the inside scoop on what she tells her friends about you:
“Guys who ask questions of substance are the best.”
After a first date, I always detail to my friends if the vibe was strong. Especially if we were sort of falling all over ourselves to keep up with the conversation. Trading stories and questions and laughing between sips and bites…
My girlfriends say that whenever I feel like I was really clicking with a guy, I do this thing where I gesticulate wildly, snapping my fingers and moving my hands back and forth to indicate that there was a “vibe” between us and we couldn’t stop talking.
I’m a huge talker, which is something that I catch myself feeling embarrassed about all the time. So, in order to feel comfortable and excited in the moment I need a guy who can match my tempo—and shut me up with some really good stories of his own. I also think I’m really funny (I’m a dreamboat, I swear!). Meaning? A guy that laughs at me and makes me laugh will score major points.
Guys who ask questions of substance are the best.
A true sign of a date going well is if I come home and tell my roommates about a random and amazing story or detail, rather than, “Well, he was tall, he went to Boston University. He’s a scientist…” Anything you can say, ask or share that makes it feel like where not in the midst of a job interview over cocktails is great.
As far as what guys wear on dates—I notice (obviously) and I’m judgey about it. (Anyone lining up to take me out yet?) However, it’s not that hard to get a stamp of approval from me as long as you’re wearing a shirt and pants that fit well and a cool pair of shoes. Oh, and take 5 minutes to clean up your facial hair with a trimmer, please. That extra bit of effort goes a long way in the minds of women like me who spend considerable amounts of time getting ready.
“I’m cool with silence in a conversation.”
The thing I always relay to my friends when I hang out with new people, especially romantically, is how comfortable the silences are between us.
I’m cool with silence (I mean, some. Don’t go all dead fish on me!), and I think allowing natural and comfortable pauses in the conversation shows that the other person is laid back and confident and doesn’t always have to fill every moment with chatter.
“Humor counts for a lot!”
The first few post-date recaps amongst my gal pals usually kicks off with one question: “Is another date in the cards?” Once that baseline is set, it usually informs whether or not we’re going to go into every hairy detail about the fella and our date. Let’s consider both scenarios:
“Eh, I think this love story will be cut short.”
If a date was a total dud or I didn’t feel like we hit it off, I’ll describe which traits or behaviors were detractors in roughly two minutes or less before we’re hopping into the next topic. Certain commonalities – like both of us laughing at my jokes (kidding, kind of) – and how seamlessly we dive into conversation always sways my opinion. Sure, my girlfriends will ask his age and career for good measure, but that never is indicative of the experience as a whole.
“I sure hope he’s on board for another date!”
Obviously the conversation starts with sharing a composite sketch of what our potential children would look like (…remember those jokes I want people to laugh at?). Again, for due diligence I’ll provide the age/career/location. As for the rest? It’s usually a flood of compliments and positive anecdotes from our date that lasts a few rounds of cocktails.
I always describe his style of humor, if he seemed genuinely interested in getting to know each other a part from the usual “so, what do you do for fun?”, and – of course – the likelihood of him fitting in with my friends or family. Hear me out: It may sound too forthcoming to consider the friend-family inclusion early in the game, but that part of my life tends to take priority so that consideration impacts how I feel about a guy I’m dating.
“Eye contact and engagement are key”
I definitely pay attention to eye contact and engagement in a date. Does he ask follow up questions that show he was really listening to what you were saying? Does he react to the various cadences of your voice when you tell a story? Does he try to relate to you in a conversation? I talk A LOT, and like to be with someone who is engaging and can talk about literally anything without shying away from certain topics.
When I went on my first date with my current boyfriend, I remember afterwards describing the date to my girlfriends as amazing because our conversation just flowed effortlessly. We connected on so many levels! That made conversation easy when we realized that we had similar interests. We had read all the same news articles that week, listened to the same podcasts. And we were clearly very interested in hearing the other’s opinion on things. It’s those kind of connections that are worth relaying back to my friends.
“Stuff we have in common is a big bonus”
I like to recount any weird bits from our conversation that could be an eerie foreshadowing or an allegory in the story of our relationship, but is probably more of a red herring. I also try to compare their personality to a movie character that I know my friends would recognize. Like, “He’s more of a Coop than Andy.” That’s an easy way for them to gauge his personality and likelihood they’d think we would be cute together.
I think commonality between music and movie preferences is KEY to a functional relationship. It doesn’t have to be – or even shouldn’t! – align 100%, because it’s great to be able to introduce each other to new things, but if they laugh at me for liking Blink 182 and No Doubt, it’s over before the date is.
“It’s not about looks”
I’ll tell you what I never say – I never describe what he looks like.
Why? Because I find that physical attraction is SO subjective, and is informed by way, way more than if he looks like Chris Evans in Captain America or not. So saying he’s tall with dark hair, or short with a bit of a belly is less helpful to getting my girlfriends to understand why I like him (or not). Instead, I might say he put some effort into his look, or texted me after we each got home. That’s the stuff that makes them understand why I might be into a new guy or not.