Everyone wants to be “that guy.” You know the kind I’m talking about. The one who walks into a room and effortlessly commands attention, leaving a trail of admiring glances and genuine connections in his wake.
No, he’s not the most handsome guy in the room, or the richest (not necessarily, anyway). He doesn’t have the best job or the coolest car. “That guy” is simply more charismatic than his peers.
Charisma, rizz, charm…whatever you want to call it. Some guys have it, and others, well, don’t.
Beyond the assumptions around his circumstances, it can be easy to think that his charisma is an innate quality — that he was just born that way.
But the truth is, charisma can be learned, and better than that? You can practice and improve yours.
Working to be more charismatic is not about going from being shy to being the loudest in the room, or from low-key to showy. Instead, leveling up your charisma is about learning to develop genuine connection and presence.
So, if you’re looking to boost your dating success and improve your relationships across the board, read on.
This is the #SGapproved guide on how to be more charismatic.
1. Master the Art of Active Listening
What, did you think I was going to say, Get a new job (potentially one you hate!) that nets you a ton of money? Or “Pony up for veneers that give you the megawatt smile of Glen Powell?”
Nope. The first step to being a more charismatic guy requires zero change to your bank account’s bottom line, or painful dental procedures.
Because good listening as a learned behavior is the bedrock of charisma. Listening well is not just about hearing the words someone is saying; it’s about truly understanding their message.
Put away your phone (easier said than done, I know!), make eye contact, and focus entirely on the person in front of you.
Active listening isn’t just about nodding along, though. Ask thoughtful follow-up questions, show genuine interest in their responses, and reflect back what they’ve said to confirm your understanding.
Practice this kind of listening with women you’re interested in, yes, but also everyone you encounter in your day. They’ll feel seen and valued when they see they’re being heard, ensuring you’re on your way to “that guy” status.
Because everybody loves a good listener.
2. Practice Non-Verbal Communication
Your body language speaks volumes. Make sure it’s telling a good story, too.
So, how to be more charismatic when you’re just…standing there? Maintain good posture and relax your shoulders. Offer up a genuine smile to those you encounter. Make comfortable eye contact (but don’t stare).
What else? Don’t sleep on the power of a firm handshake, which conveys confidence. Only the president thinks a death grip handshake puts you on the path to respect.
Instead, aim for a quick couple pumps, and dear god, make sure your hands aren’t sweaty before taking someone else’s.
Bottom line: you’re always communicating something about your charisma, even when you’re not speaking. So avoid fidgeting or looking around the room while someone is talking.
This kind of calm confidence projects comfort in who you are and draws people to you.
3. Be Genuinely Interested in Others
Charisma isn’t about you; it’s about making others feel good about themselves.
How to show you’re interested in others? Ask open-ended questions that encourage folks to share their passions and experiences.
And when they answer? Actually listen! You don’t get credit for asking a good question then looking over the person’s shoulder for someone else to talk to. Engage attentively and show genuine enthusiasm for what they have to say.
Moreover, genuine interest doesn’t end with the current conversation. Remember details about their lives and bring them up in future conversations. You’ll be shocked how much people appreciate it when you remember their sister’s name, or that their dog is a pug, not a French bulldog.
You’ll immediately up your charisma factor when showing this level of genuine interest in other people.
4. Develop Your Storytelling Skills
Everybody loves a good story. And not ones that start with “I saw this thing on TikTok…” Did you have a funny encounter with your boss? An awkward misunderstanding with the barista at your local coffee shop? A classic “Who’s on first” mix-up with a bank teller? Learn to relay these kinds of anecdotes in a way that’s engaging to your audience.
What elevates a so-so anecdote into a memorable story? When you focus on the key details, build suspense, and deliver a satisfying punchline.
Practice telling stories about your own experiences, keeping them relevant and concise. A well-told story can make you memorable and create a lasting connection.
Commanding the attention of a group like this can feel uncomfortable, so don’t be afraid to call in reinforcements here.
Take an improv class to boost your confidence taking chances in a group setting. Join a board or even your local Toastmasters — yep, those are still around! — to get more experience with public speaking.
And yes, be prepared to feel like you’re sending yourself back to school (hell, actually go back to school…sign up for a speech and debate class at the junior college in town!), but this is the kind of continuing education that will serve you the rest of your life.
5. Embrace Your Unique Qualities
There’s nothing less charismatic than a guy who’s trying to be someone he’s not. And trust me when I tell you, women can sniff out inauthenticity like bad cologne.
Being your true, authentic self, though? That’s magnetic.
So, embrace your quirks, your passions, and your unique perspective. All of us are more drawn to those who are genuine and comfortable in their own skin. Trying to be someone else will only come across as fake and unappealing.
To be clear, this doesn’t mean droning on and on about the Web3 sub-Reddit you moderate; the other lessons about charisma still apply.
Ask questions. Tell interesting anecdotes (not boring, never-ending stories). Being yourself isn’t a license to talk just about yourself.
6. Cultivate a Positive Attitude
Optimism is very, very attractive. Teen drama tropes aside, women are naturally drawn to men who radiate positive energy, not to brooding darkness.
Being a “glass half full” guy may not come naturally, but it’s important to learn to focus on the good in every situation and approach challenges with a can-do attitude if more charisma is your goal.
A positive outlook not only draws others to you, but it’s also just a healthier way to live! This isn’t about plastering a fake smile on your face and pretending everything will be okay – it’s approaching a tough situation with the belief that you can tackle it and come out the other side better off.
7. Don’t Be Afraid to Be Vulnerable
Sharing a bit about yourself, your struggles, and your vulnerabilities can create a deeper connection with others. This can be anything from comparing dosages of Lexapro to sharing your Enneagram type to asking for recommendations on controlling your adult acne.
This kind of openness shows that you’re human, and not trying to pretend you’re perfect. Which is a hopeless goal, anyway.
However, it’s important to strike a balance between sharing and oversharing.
This isn’t carte blanche to trauma bomb a woman on a first date. Keep it appropriate for the context and the depth of relationship.
The Takeaway
Charisma isn’t some magical quality reserved for a select few. It’s a collection of skills and habits that any guy can develop. Really!
By focusing on active listening, showing genuine interest in others, and offering up authentic self-expression, you can significantly enhance your charisma and improve your dating life…and all your relationships.
So, get out there and flex those charisma muscles!
More Dating and Relationship Resources from SG HQ:
3 Things Men Do That Women Love
